if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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