I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
