i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
