you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
