I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
