She's JV to your varsity
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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