You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
