im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
