I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
