He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
