You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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