Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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