My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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