im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
