I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
