New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
