I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
