I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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