woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
