A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
