We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
