i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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