either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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