we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
