Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
