And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need moral support for this bender
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
