From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
