Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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