i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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