Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
