i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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