so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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