when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
