If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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