upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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