Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Blood and glitter go together right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
