how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
