Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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