yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
