you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
