And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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