He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
