its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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