If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
