I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
