all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
