She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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