I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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