I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
