He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
