just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
